I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want to be your penis for a week.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
