I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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