your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
