Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Welp...herpes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
