i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
