take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
