Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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