I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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