please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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