my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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