I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize