Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Watching her eat just hurts me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
