no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
