Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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