we made out on top of his cat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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