Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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