A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
