I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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