I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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