You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
