corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to fling myself into the sun
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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