I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
