Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
