no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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