I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
