I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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