I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
