mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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