you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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