You're my little dorito
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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