my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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