we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
