you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
