I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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