I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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