He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
