none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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