I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
