Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
