So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
