He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
