Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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