I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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