Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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