What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
