Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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