How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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