I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
