god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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