Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
